Oh, Canada - Gotta Love Americans Who Love Us

Enjoy This Guest Blog By Rick Reilly, ESPN The Magazine - It's a Great Piece!

Updated: February 15, 2010, 12:36 PM ET

Oh, Canada

A guide to thriving in Vancouver, one smile at a time

Frederic J. Brown/AFP/Getty ImagesCrazy Canadians need to be treated kindly, too.

It's always so cute when Canada hosts an Olympics. Canadians try so hard. This comes from living next to America and having an inferiority complex worse than Tito Jackson's.

For instance, it's rained every day I've been in Vancouver, athletes are starting to withdraw because of pruny fingers, and Canadians feel terrible. They're always saying "Gee, sore-ee about the rain, eh?" Do you realize they've been helicoptering snow up to the mountain venues? Who does that?

These people are nice. Preposterously nice. Aunt Bee in mukluks nice. This is a country that has human-chomping grizzlies on every corner and yet chose the furry beaver for its national animal.

Here's how nice: Twice already, Canadian mogul star Jenn Heil's bus has broken down on the drive up from Vancouver to Cypress Mountain. And both buses were from California! Peter Judge of the Canadian Freestyle Ski Association was quoted as saying after the second time: "It was a bit of a concern." A "bit of a concern"? If it had happened to an American star, they'd have made everybody responsible stand against a wall in front of a running 2010 Prius.

Anyway, I think Americans who come to these Winter Olympics should try to be nice back. You can't be nicer than Canadians, but you can try. Here's how:

• Do not talk about hockey. A Canadian team has not won the Stanley Cup in 17 years. This is possibly because there are no more Canadian hockey teams left. OK, that's not true. Still, if Canada doesn't win the gold in men's hockey this time -- something it's only done once since 1952 -- fans here might all throw themselves under stampeding moose.

If your birthday is August 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."

• Use the "organics" recycling container in your hotel room. This is one of 14 recycling containers you'll find there. The mind recoils as to what you're supposed to put in the "organics" can in a hotel room, but the little sign says to put "meat, poultry, fish, plants and flowers." That's weird. I always leave my poultry in a gift bag for the maid.

• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"

• Call Vancouver "Van City" or even "The Van" but do not call it the name it hates: "No Fun City." It IS a fun city, except that a lot of the bars close at 11. In the morning.

• And it apparently NEVER STOPS RAINING.

• Use abbreviated words whenever possible. For instance, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police becomes the "RCMP," which becomes "the Armsee," as in the sentence: "I sure hope Bode Miller doesn't get pinched by the Armsees this Olympics. I got 10 Loonies on him."

• Abbreviate your new friends' names, too. Hamilton becomes "Hams." If your friend's name is already short, add "er" to it. This is how you get a sentence like, "Let's go play some shinny, eh? You be Gretz and I'll be Nasher."

• Compliment their national anthem. It's way better than ours.

• Pretend that you have to plug in your engine block at night to keep it from freezing, too. Makes them feel better.

• Go to Tim's (short for "Tim Hortons") and have a double-double (two creams, two sugars) and some Timbits (donut holes) and stand around and talk about curling. This will be a welcome topic. The Canadians are still great at curling.
You: The boys oughta do priddy good, eh?

Him: Oh, sure. The sweeps are beauties.
You: You thinkin' they might be winnin' and whatnot, eh?
Him: Boy, would that ever be neat!

• When referring to Elvis, be sure its Stojko not Presley. If you're talking about acting, don't forget the god of all Canadian thespians -- Lorne Greene from "Bonanza." If your birthday is Aug. 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."

• Never say "said." Say "goes," as in: "So Lindsey goes, 'I'm freezin' way up here in just a bikini.' And I go, 'Linds, it's a bitchin' career move!' And she goes, 'K, but it's colder 'n a Newfie's arse up here!'"

• If you're a snowboarder and you snap your neck in three places doing your Double Fakie Ollie Grab and they're putting you in the ambulance, smile and go, "It's fine! Canada's got free health care!"

But if those bastards say anything about their dollar being worth more than ours, slam them in the nose with your organics can.

Why Copy is King

A picture may be worth a thousand words but headlines still draw more people to them than even the most compelling picture.

That was just one of the many fascinating insights to be found in the Eyetrack III study focused on how people online. The study released, by the Poynter Institute, the Estlow Center for Journalism & New Media, included some observations worth considering when designing or writing website.

Here are just a few:

Size Matters
Want people to read, not scan? Consider small type. The Eyetrack III researchers found smaller type encourages focused viewing behavior (that is, actual reading), while larger type promotes lighter scanning.

Left, Left… Left, Right, Left
As unique as we all like to think we are, it simply isn’t true – at least not when it comes to the way we read/scan websites. Researchers found a common pattern among website browsers. It seems we fixate first on the upper left portion of the page before moving from left to right and it's only after perusing the top portion of the page for some time that people’s eyes explore further down the page.

It’s all About the Words
“Text rules on the PC screen -- both in order viewed and in overall time spent looking at," the study says.

People Read and Run
The study suggests people scan the first few words of headlines before deciding whether to continue reading. This means you should front-load your headlines with the most interesting and provocative words. It’s also an argument for getting your keywords up front in headlines.

Attention Spans are Getting Shorter
Online readers are demanding folk who will give you less than one second to convince them they should read further. That’s means you’ve got to hook them fast.

It’s Better at the Top
Navigation placed at the top of a homepage performed best -- that is, it was seen by the highest percentage of test subjects and looked at for the longest duration.

Shorter is Better
Shorter paragraphs performed better in the Eyetrack III research than longer ones. In fact stories with short paragraphs received twice as many overall eye fixations as those with longer ones.

Interested in reading the study? You can find it online at Writearm Writing & Communications.

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Press Releases Do’s and Don’ts

Journalists have papers, radio programs, and news broadcasts to fill every day. What they don’t have is enough good story ideas from people like you.

As a former reporter, I can tell you that the best story ideas and the ones easiest to “sell” to the media involve real people doing real things. Often those are people are just like.

So here’s a few tips and some do’s and don’t that will help you write and distribute your own press release:
Do:
• Use a compelling headline and lead sentence that grabs the reporter’s attention
• Answer the basic questions of who, what, when, where, why, and how
• Provide contact information including the name and phone number of someone who can speak to reporters
• Include the date
• Give the media adequate notice about an event. One day’s notice is not sufficient
• Send the press release in the body of the email (not everyone opens attachments)
• Ensure the story has a local angle and is relevant to the community
• Pitch human interest stories
• Send high-quality photos (no grip and grins or check-passing shots please)
• Be available when a reporter calls
• Respect a reporter’s deadline
• Offer to provide additional information
• Be prepared to be interviewed by phone
• Be a good source for other stories (an accountant available to comment at tax time for instance)

Don’t

• Ask to see the article before it goes to print. Reporters are too busy to do this and are professionals. Let them do their job!
• Call to see if the article ran. Show some respect and read the papers
• Say anything to a reporter you’re not completely comfortable seeing in print (or hearing on TV or radio). Remember, there is no such thing as “off the record”
• Expect to receive coverage every time you send out a release